heart ache.

Galatians 5:19 It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs of happiness; 20 trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper;an impotence to love or be loved;divided homes and divided lives' small-minded and lopsided pursuits; 21 the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not enter God's kingdom. 

But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard-things like affections for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. 

Changing my lifestyle has not been easy. When you go from living on an emotional roller coaster it is not easy to completely trust and let go of those old habits. However, God clearly says if you continue to live the way you are with the freedom he gave you; you will not enter his kingdom. It's not easy to let go of hurt and heart break that you have stored away in your heart. What most people do not know is that; the anger you have stored in your heart builds barriers. Barriers that God cannot get to, because you have them blocked off. I know this from experience that no person is strong enough themselves to let go of the hurt and anger. Those barriers can ONLY be broken down with God's help. Think about meat when you cook it. It starts off tough, not very tasteful, but then you marinate it. It becomes tender and flavorful. Your heart is the same way. You marinate your heart and mind in God's word. Your heart becomes tender and you feel those barriers being broken down. God takes the pain out of your heart and replaces it with joy. 

Psalm 147:3 He heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds. 

People strive for happiness, and they search for it in all the wrong places. Sex, Lust, Drugs, Alcohol. All of these things are fake, and they are temporary. You may feel good for a few moments, but do those moments really matter once reality sets in? 

No matter what you've been through what you've done; God loves you! If you are hungry and thirsty for happiness; turn to God. Run with him and keep running. You will not get tired. You will love and be loved. <3